10. Drinks Elmer's glue like it was root beer

9. Keeps telling you, "Tools are like a box of chocolates..."

8. Upside down blueprint means you're stuck with a toilet on your ceiling

7. Claims to be the bastard love child of Black and Decker

6. He doesn't actually know anything about home repair, he's just a pretty boy actor getting a fat paycheck

5. There's nothing in his toolbox but a bologna sandwich and a pack of condoms

4. Can't lift arms from sides because of super-glue accident back in '87

3. Gets head caught in vice (shot of Letterman's head in vice)

2. Whenever you turn your back, he fires a nail gun at your ass

1. That ain't putty!